Health and Wellbeing, Personal Growth, Wellbeing
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Choose To Live

There are many news stories about people committing suicide, most notably that of NZ-born but Australia-based model and television presenter Charlotte Dawson, as of this writing. If you haven’t heard of her, she was targeted by Twitter trolls for her being aggressive and harsh on the participants of Australia’s Next Top Model, yet she got involved with an anti-cyber-bullying initiative named Community Brave. According to reports, she even reposted or retweeted the trolls’ messages on her Facebook and Twitter accounts, further fueling the fire.
Upon reading her life story, however, she was successful in her modelling and TV presenting careers and yet a sensitive person who loves her friends and family. Many reports speculated that what triggered her to do it is that she had no upcoming TV projects and that she was financially struggling.

It’s really sad to think that some people would choose to die than to continue living. Even very successful people like Charlotte, or even most recently L’Wren Scott. Her story may be different from Charlotte’s, initially modeled for many brands but chose to design clothes for a living, but she chose the same thing.

I do understand the many challenges we all go through, but to decide to die, there must have been a deeper place that was dug to the point they could never see the light and a way out. And it’s the kind of decision that once made, you can never get

I have something to admit. I had thoughts of suicide years ago when voices in my head started to plague my mind. They started to make their presence known during high school, but it wasn’t until in my 20s when this particular voice wanted me to choose death. You can think it really strange coming from someone schooled in Catholic values and teachings, but yes, that’s what happened.

I can vividly remember years ago on a ferry ride to Cebu after my four months’ stay in Boracay, I went out of the cabin and rested my stomach on the railing to watch the white waves formed from the bottom of the boat hitting the water, despite my fear of heights. At that moment, a particularly sinister voice was encouraging me to jump out of the boat. I don’t know why that voice told me that, but I knew it was a bad voice that I should ignore. I tried to ignore it for years, until I realized I can’t do this on my own. Many times I asked God to please save me from these voices in my head that kept me thinking negative for so many years.

The last time I asked God to save me from these thoughts was about a month ago, when I felt a rush of emotion overcoming and overwhelming me. And each of those times I asked for help, God heard and answered my prayer, this time letting me sleep for many hours.

I am grateful the idea that God exists was instilled in my childhood, that’s why I can easily pray to Him about anything. But you may ask, “What about those who do not know God and are struggling with their illnesses or emotions?” I know there are many people out there who do not believe in God or religion and have strong opinions against it. All I can answer to that is, why don’t you try praying for a change? Why don’t you try talking to God about your life and ask Him if He really exists? Yes, even asking Him if He really exists is a good way to start. There’s always a way out of whatever situation you are in, and it’s always better to choose life even in the direst of circumstances.

If you are still not convinced, then why don’t you start offering a prayer to the Universe? To your angels and guides? You may think it may not be related to a belief in God, but once you anchor yourself with a strong sense of support from God, the Universe, angels and guides, then anything is indeed possible for you. It may or may not mean to join a traditional organization so your spiritual growth is enhanced by sharing personal experiences and learning from others, it’s better to start somewhere than not do anything at all.

At this stage in my life, I am offering my life to Him now even though I have many things I’d like to accomplish, because I know that I always choose life and living to the fullest, no matter how many emotions and voices may be thrown at me from time to time. I am also working on clearing each and every negative thought, wrong belief, wrong programming that has been fed to my mind unconsciously so I can realize my fullest potential, with God’s help and guidance. And to that I say, Amen.

This entry was posted in: Health and Wellbeing, Personal Growth, Wellbeing


My name is Charica Roche, a writer, food lover, adventure seeker, color addict, and curious-driven person who truly believes in personal and spiritual growth. Writing helps me become a better person because it makes me feel grounded and it encourages me to be honest about things. Currently based in New Zealand, I'm constantly searching for and following my curiosities through books, art, music, dancing, and other aspects of a life well-lived through my own terms.

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